Valentine’s Day… It’s Not All Flowers and Chocolates.
14th February 2019
Many of us struggle to live up to the relationship ‘ideals’ we see on television, in films, in advertising and across our social media. February can feel like one of the loneliest months, even for those who are more than comfortable with being single. There are adverts constantly on TV, displays in every shop window, decorated floor to ceiling with pink and red tissue paper love hearts celebrating being in love.
This is why for many, be it in a relationship or not, days which are meant for celebrating togetherness and love can highlight thoughts of how different, alone or low we feel. Holidays such as Valentine’s Day can bring out these negative feelings due to the expectation of celebrating this day with a significant other. For those who don’t have one, days like this can only serve as a reminder of what they “don’t have”.
As humans, we crave close connections to others, which has also been linked to increased levels of happiness and a lower risk of depression. As the years pass, our perceived ‘loneliness’ lends itself to worries when we begin to feel like ‘time is running out’ or have an innate fear that once we hit a certain age, we won’t find love. What we all need to remember is that this is not true! Love can be found anywhere, anytime and more importantly, at any age. We must be more open to new possibilities and love will thrive when we are in the right place, and the time is right.
Being in a relationship doesn’t make us immune to low mood and negative feelings around Valentine’s Day. According to Sari Cooper, LCSW, an individual and couple’s therapist “The pressure to create a special occasion frequently ends up causing people to plan something splashy that doesn’t necessarily align with their authentic self”.
Experts seem to agree that on Valentine’s Day you should just ‘do you’, whatever this may mean. Be it alone, with your partner or even with multiple partners, because, at the end of the day, February 14th is just another day, like any other. Below are a few things you can do if you’re feeling a little low on Valentine’s Day starting with number one- Telling yourself that you are not alone.
Don’t do something being it feels like the ‘right’ thing to do.
If you don’t want to go out for dinner, don’t go. If you don’t want to have a valentine, don’t have one. Don’t feel obliged to see your friends on Valentine’s Day if that’s not something you’d do on an ‘ordinary day’. You do not need to spend the day with every single friend you know. But if that is your idea of fun, then do it! Surrounding yourself with people you enjoy and the ones you love will give you an enormous sense of belonging and can help fight that feeling of loneliness.
Why do we always associate Valentine’s Day with romantic love? Use the day to celebrate whoever, or whatever, you love! Love reading? pick up a book! Love your dog? spend time with them… Give your family members a call, tell them you love them. SELF-LOVE- take a bubble bath, do what makes you happy and the things that you LOVE to do. see… its still all about love, we’re just used to heading into Valentine’s Day with commercialised lenses covering our eyes and hiding the real meaning behind the day.
Ease the pressure. There are another 364 days each year you can show someone you care about them. Treat yourself and spread the love.
It is very easy to get stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts when they are acting as an expression of your loneliness or sadness. But is it so important that you remember IT WILL PASS!
Focus on who you have as opposed to who you might be lacking in your life. Feeling connected through our authentic relationships (of all kinds) is the key to combating feelings of loneliness. This is not only true on Valentine’s Day, but every other day of the year too.